Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Extract from 'Somebody's Doodle' coming out 2016 -

Doodle is lost for woofs. She feels like her whole world has collapsed. Surely it can’t be true? Is she really just a common mongrel, like that unspeakable Texan mutt? There again, it could perhaps explain why that bitchy Maltese next door: Tabitha, crosses the road with her nose in the air whenever she sees Doodle.

She sniffs and a little wimper of despair escapes. Gizmo’s chivalrous side is activated again. He’s a sucker for the lady dogs’ sniffles. He didn’t mean to upset her. He had no idea that she was so sensitive. Clearly she’s quite a vulnerable pooch, and he’ll have to be more careful with her.

"OK, you may not be a pedigree dog, but on the other hand how many mutts can say that they’re ‘designer dogs’? That’s got to make you a bit special.”

Doodle cheers up a little, and the sniffles quieten down, but she still looks a bit lost.

“Really Doodle, you need to get out more and toughen up a bit. Mix with a few more furries.”

“Yes, you’re right Gizmo. Being a designer dog is better than nothing. At least we’re not common mongrel riff-raff. And you’re also right about needing to get out more. I don't socialise much with other dogs. It’s not my fault. My humans aren't very keen on walks, and I spend a lot of time alone.”
More sniffles.

"Look, I’m sorry Doodle. I didn't know you were a 'home alone’ dog."

“Yes, well I do spend a lot of time on my own, but you get used to it. I’m over feeling lonely, and I’m very comfortable with my own company. So you can forget any ideas that I might need you in my bed. Anyway, I think it must be dinner time by now.”

Doodle gets up, stretches languidly, and struts off towards the dining room.

Gizmo shrugs. “Ah well, that’s a shame. One that got away, eh Giz my lad? Plenty more in the long grass, but all the same ... She’s definitely a bit up her own backside, but it would have been nice to have a cuddle. Anyway, let’s see how things pan out.”

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Some humans must have fur for brains !

I'd like to tell y'all about a rather strange e-mail that I recently received from a chap called Nadu Totow Savimbi. It's a very sad tale of how despite inheriting a lot of money, he's been unable to access his bank account, due to the overthrow of the goverment in his country. Nadu explains that he has 20 wives, 78 children, and 10 grandmothers to support, and that he desperately needs my bank account details, passport etc so that he'll then be able to transfer his late father's 37 million dollar estate into my account. Of course he'll bung me a few million just for letting him use my account and helping him with his extended family.

Woof-bloody-tastic, no ? Sorry, but does Nadu really think I was born yesterday ? and doesn't he understand I'm a dog and unlikely to need a bank account ? Honestly, I've said it before and I'll say it again - some humans must have fur for brains !

I mean, why don't I ever get an e-mail from someone who says they're going to transfer two tons of dog biscuits to my bowl, just so that their dog can access it, as his own has been frozen. Now that would be talking my language, but realistically I suppose it's unlikely to happen ... a dog can dream though !

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Win a copy of the wooftastic 'Nobody's Poodle' !

Win a copy of 'Nobody's Poodle' www.nobodyspoodle.com. Tell me what I am saying :)
Choosing best quote on Sunday 1st Feb 
leave your quote in comments below :)

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